Saturday, July 16, 2011

Some Truths About Plane Travel

If you and your brother wish to share an armrest, your skin will touch. If you do not wish your skin to touch your brother’s skin, you must cede occupancy of said armrest. The person who invents a contactless, two-person armrest will deserve the millions they make and have the eternal and undying loyalty of parents of teens everywhere.

If you are a single parent flying with three children under 5, be sure to ask the kids’ most feckless grandparent to accompany you to sit with one of the children, preferably the fussiest of your young travelers.  Granddad does not need to share his Cheetos, and no, granddad cannot sit on the aisle while 3 sits at the window, with poor innocent stranger stuck in the middle seat just trying to read her damned book. I mean, come on. Feckless is feckless, but that’s just stupid.

If the Concentration app on your iPad frustrates your kid because the colors don’t ever match, and this frustration results in shedding of tears and throwing of iPad onto the floor, your kid is too young for an iPad.

If you are a single parent flying with one girl, 5, watching “Enchanted” on the portable dvd player and drawing princess self-portraits for 3 hours and 55 minutes, and two boys, 3 and 2, who didn’t,  be aware that your neighbors will wish you had stopped at one.

If you’re a cat named Yaz (in my mind, named for  Red Sox icon Carl Yastrzemski but I don’t actually know if that’s true, because she was a black cat with white sox) then, no, of course you don’t need to stay in your carrier for the duration of the flight.  The people up there in first class will think you’re cute, too.

Solid antiperspirants do not count as part of your “3 ounces or less each, all in a quart ziplock bag” booty.  Thank goodness!

1 comment:

  1. LOL. Great post. We've all seen this and more on airplanes. Have a great trip!